4.29.2005
Great, I now officially feel no better...just talked to Jennifer a little while, and at the end of the conversation I left with the knowledge that she never really wanted to give me the second chance that she did. She left with the desire to go cry herself to sleep, so, yea, I'm having a GREAT! night!!!!*remembers sad movie...* Ah HA!!!!! Must go now, much love
Me
"I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes"
Me
"I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes"
Mood of the Moment:"warning: Eyes could spring a leak @ any moment!"
Music of the Moment: Every sad song in the book
ok, so the other night when I said I was going to be mad because it was better than being sad?? Yea, well, the plan failed, and sadness has occured, and is still occuring. And sitting here in this house isn't helping. I get few breaks from lectures/arguments, and when I do all I end up doing is thinking about everything that I need to not think about. I cant leave, it is unbearable to stay. Even if I could leave, where would I go? There is nowhere. There was a time once where there was at least one place I felt welcome...even wanted...now that has faded along with so many other things. Huh, they all seemed to leave at the same time...isn't that convenient? Things just seem to be worsening now, and I am terrified of what is to come. I hate listening to rumors/gossip, but I do know a truth, for sure, the problem is that I hear two variations of it....and I want SO BADLY to believe one...but it is the other one that sounds more true. Why does it sound more true? Why that is easy...because it is the more hurtful of the two, and it therefore sounds like something that would happen to me, especially if it involves the person in question. I really do appologize for my ambiguity, I use it now simply because my delimma is based on what I've heard, and therefore no names should yet be revealed....
*wipes tear...*GEEZ, here I am stressing over my problems when I need to be concerned about other things...I need to find dear Shelly so that I might try to comfort her in her time of need, but It is too late to call her and she is not online. I recieved her email and it is probrobly the most sad email I have ever recieved. You see, dear Shelly was robbed. An obviously blind person decided that she was not to attend NCSA. I recieved an email that simply stated "I didn't get in". So, Shelly, if you read this before I next reach you, then know this: There are few great and talented artists that were recognized during their lifetimes as such. Any artist who was admired by all in their lifetime created works that were beautiful in their time, but hardly remembered. However, that which is called a masterpiece today, was most likely referred to as a talentless doodle when it was created. Your only problem is being ahead of your time, and tell me, what kind of problem is that? (ah yes, and also know that I am currently tracking down the person/people that made the decision so that they may be properly flogged :)...) I <3>
ok, so do you want to hear an actually entertaining part of my day? I wore fishnets today, right, but I never wear shoes unless I have to. Therefore, my feet always get dirty on the bottom. Today, however, when I took off my fishnets, I had this nifty little pattern on the bottom of my foot, which I found entertaining. Sad, huh? But it's the best I got...
I've come to the conclusion that I am thought of as an interim companion. It makes sense. I am there between friendships, or significant others, just until the next real one appears, then my services are no longer needed. It is that point that I am free to exit that persons life, having done my job. It works perfectly, and everyone is happy...well, except for me of course....but that doesn't matter, because of my place in the world. *sigh* that nun thing is looking better and better everyday...I mean hey, if your lot in life is to have no companionship other than God and false friends, why not just cut out the latter? It makes sense. *sigh*...*tear*...Well, if by any chance you are some atypical person that does in fact care for me at all, I love you. If you are someone that hates me and wishes that you could watch me die a thousand painful deaths, I love you, too. If you are anywhere in between, I love you as well.
But I am tired of typing at the moment, I am going to go watch the saddest movie I own now, simply because that is the mood I am in. I will feel better tomorrow, so no worries. Love to all,
Beaucoup D'Amour,
DeAnna
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
^to him^
Music of the Moment: Every sad song in the book
ok, so the other night when I said I was going to be mad because it was better than being sad?? Yea, well, the plan failed, and sadness has occured, and is still occuring. And sitting here in this house isn't helping. I get few breaks from lectures/arguments, and when I do all I end up doing is thinking about everything that I need to not think about. I cant leave, it is unbearable to stay. Even if I could leave, where would I go? There is nowhere. There was a time once where there was at least one place I felt welcome...even wanted...now that has faded along with so many other things. Huh, they all seemed to leave at the same time...isn't that convenient? Things just seem to be worsening now, and I am terrified of what is to come. I hate listening to rumors/gossip, but I do know a truth, for sure, the problem is that I hear two variations of it....and I want SO BADLY to believe one...but it is the other one that sounds more true. Why does it sound more true? Why that is easy...because it is the more hurtful of the two, and it therefore sounds like something that would happen to me, especially if it involves the person in question. I really do appologize for my ambiguity, I use it now simply because my delimma is based on what I've heard, and therefore no names should yet be revealed....
*wipes tear...*GEEZ, here I am stressing over my problems when I need to be concerned about other things...I need to find dear Shelly so that I might try to comfort her in her time of need, but It is too late to call her and she is not online. I recieved her email and it is probrobly the most sad email I have ever recieved. You see, dear Shelly was robbed. An obviously blind person decided that she was not to attend NCSA. I recieved an email that simply stated "I didn't get in". So, Shelly, if you read this before I next reach you, then know this: There are few great and talented artists that were recognized during their lifetimes as such. Any artist who was admired by all in their lifetime created works that were beautiful in their time, but hardly remembered. However, that which is called a masterpiece today, was most likely referred to as a talentless doodle when it was created. Your only problem is being ahead of your time, and tell me, what kind of problem is that? (ah yes, and also know that I am currently tracking down the person/people that made the decision so that they may be properly flogged :)...) I <3>
ok, so do you want to hear an actually entertaining part of my day? I wore fishnets today, right, but I never wear shoes unless I have to. Therefore, my feet always get dirty on the bottom. Today, however, when I took off my fishnets, I had this nifty little pattern on the bottom of my foot, which I found entertaining. Sad, huh? But it's the best I got...
I've come to the conclusion that I am thought of as an interim companion. It makes sense. I am there between friendships, or significant others, just until the next real one appears, then my services are no longer needed. It is that point that I am free to exit that persons life, having done my job. It works perfectly, and everyone is happy...well, except for me of course....but that doesn't matter, because of my place in the world. *sigh* that nun thing is looking better and better everyday...I mean hey, if your lot in life is to have no companionship other than God and false friends, why not just cut out the latter? It makes sense. *sigh*...*tear*...Well, if by any chance you are some atypical person that does in fact care for me at all, I love you. If you are someone that hates me and wishes that you could watch me die a thousand painful deaths, I love you, too. If you are anywhere in between, I love you as well.
But I am tired of typing at the moment, I am going to go watch the saddest movie I own now, simply because that is the mood I am in. I will feel better tomorrow, so no worries. Love to all,
Beaucoup D'Amour,
DeAnna
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
^to him^
4.27.2005
Mood of the Moment: sad, upset, confused, refreshingly ticked...the works...
Music of the Moment: Perfect, Simple Plan
I got off of the pc last night, but I didn't write Brian's letter, because I ended up having a lot of stuff to do, but it is ok, because I did it today during la escuela. Now all I need to do is envelope it, address it, stamp it, and mail it. That is the part that takes the longest for me, actually. I always end up throwing an extra little apology in there saying I'm sorry it took me so long to send it, hehe. I do wish that he could just read my blog, or I could send an email or something, that would be much easier, but oh well, 'tis not possible...*sigh*...
Ok, so, for those of you that know me, you know that it is terribly hard to actually tick me off...I mean, I literally can't tell you the last time I was truly mad at someone, until now. Last night I mentioned a conversation with jennifer that made me a little mad, and then this morning there was more stuff that made me actually truly mad....and you know what.....it is very....liberating. Most people wouldn't understand....I spent a while trying to explain it to eric and the poor kid just couldn't understand why I was happy to be mad....At one point in time today I sort of spilled on Shelly, and she got this "whoa" expression on her face and said "wow, that was really mean, for you..." and I was like "yea, haha, it was!"
I told Noelle today that she can be sure that just when things get simple, something is thrown in the mix to complicate them...'tis truth, so I decided to pass it on.
ok, so I cannot explain thoroughly why I am so upset, but I can give you some general principles: I am a person. I am not placed here for the entertainment of anyone but God and myself. I am not a toy. oh, yea, and I am not a liar. I am human, and I can be hurt. I can deal with it when people hurt me, I'm used to it, for they are human too. But when someone chooses not only to hurt me, but to revel with glee in my pain(whether they caused it or not)....that is when I get mad. Oh, yea, and for some people, there are no such things as plans...only schemes...
Ok, after that, here is the flaw with my bittersweet feelings....I cannot allow my anger to grow too much, or last too long, simply because it is based sheerly on what I have been told. Therefore it could all be a big mistake and in a way I would like it to be, but right now I shall enjoy my anger....because it is better than sadness...
I appologize, this will only make sense to two people, maybe 3 depending on whether or not they read it, but it was banging around in my head and I feel better now...
Much Love,
DeAnna
"If I listened long enough to you,
I'd find a way to believe that it's all true.
Knowing that you lied,
straight-faced,
while I cried,
Still I'd look to find a reason to believe.
Someone like you makes it hard to live without somebody else.
Someone like you makes it easy to give, never think of myself."
Music of the Moment: Perfect, Simple Plan
I got off of the pc last night, but I didn't write Brian's letter, because I ended up having a lot of stuff to do, but it is ok, because I did it today during la escuela. Now all I need to do is envelope it, address it, stamp it, and mail it. That is the part that takes the longest for me, actually. I always end up throwing an extra little apology in there saying I'm sorry it took me so long to send it, hehe. I do wish that he could just read my blog, or I could send an email or something, that would be much easier, but oh well, 'tis not possible...*sigh*...
Ok, so, for those of you that know me, you know that it is terribly hard to actually tick me off...I mean, I literally can't tell you the last time I was truly mad at someone, until now. Last night I mentioned a conversation with jennifer that made me a little mad, and then this morning there was more stuff that made me actually truly mad....and you know what.....it is very....liberating. Most people wouldn't understand....I spent a while trying to explain it to eric and the poor kid just couldn't understand why I was happy to be mad....At one point in time today I sort of spilled on Shelly, and she got this "whoa" expression on her face and said "wow, that was really mean, for you..." and I was like "yea, haha, it was!"
I told Noelle today that she can be sure that just when things get simple, something is thrown in the mix to complicate them...'tis truth, so I decided to pass it on.
ok, so I cannot explain thoroughly why I am so upset, but I can give you some general principles: I am a person. I am not placed here for the entertainment of anyone but God and myself. I am not a toy. oh, yea, and I am not a liar. I am human, and I can be hurt. I can deal with it when people hurt me, I'm used to it, for they are human too. But when someone chooses not only to hurt me, but to revel with glee in my pain(whether they caused it or not)....that is when I get mad. Oh, yea, and for some people, there are no such things as plans...only schemes...
Ok, after that, here is the flaw with my bittersweet feelings....I cannot allow my anger to grow too much, or last too long, simply because it is based sheerly on what I have been told. Therefore it could all be a big mistake and in a way I would like it to be, but right now I shall enjoy my anger....because it is better than sadness...
I appologize, this will only make sense to two people, maybe 3 depending on whether or not they read it, but it was banging around in my head and I feel better now...
Much Love,
DeAnna
"If I listened long enough to you,
I'd find a way to believe that it's all true.
Knowing that you lied,
straight-faced,
while I cried,
Still I'd look to find a reason to believe.
Someone like you makes it hard to live without somebody else.
Someone like you makes it easy to give, never think of myself."
4.26.2005
Mood of the Moment: Confused(when am I not?!) but still somehow happy...
Music of the Moment: varies between Dave Matthews Band and Crystal Method...
So yea, I have just completed the process of reserving my, mr. sibaja's, and mr. isreal's STAR WARS EPISODE III:REVENGE OF THE SITH 12:01 SHOWING TICKETS!!! Woot! Mr. Sibaja and myself tried to get Mrs. Sibaja to go....but that worked out not so well...grr...Ah well...yea...thinking of mr sibaja, I dont think I would be able to marry a man with such a first name...I mean, I'd have to atleast come up with some nickname that was not so vowelish... 'cause I'm clumsy and I just don't think I could get it out all of the time, you know? Nah...I decided the perfect husband name a long time ago...Jack. No, It didn't come from Jack Sparrow, though that strongly re-enforced it, instead I got it when I was a child and I adored *hesitates...* Jack Skellington....(Yes people, I have adored Tim Burton films all of my life...right now I don't know which one I look forward to more: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or the Corpse Bride...hehe....)But seriously, jack is the name...Not John, not david, not luke, not jeff, not jake, not scott, not brian, not dave, not jim, or james, not tim, not nick, and Lord knows not Kenneth...I dont know....If I ever met someone named Anakin, I'd have to think about it....lol!....Ah yes, and my husband must be emotionally stable, love God, me, children, animals, and unique names....yea....I'm never gonna get married.....'tis ok! Convent here I come!( just gotta find a way around that darn catholic thing!)
Ohhhhh, speaking of names I like, I just found out that Mrs. Loves name is Gabriel...grr, we already dont get along and then she goes and steals that perfectly good name! Then on top of that she desecrates it by making the poor child's middle name eugene! Ok, I'm sorry, but all I can think of when I hear that is that one part in grease when they say that all couples must be male/female at the dance-off, and poor little eugene is disqualified.....That poor kid is never going to tell his middle name, and when it gets out, he'll never live it down...
So I went to prom...I wore my necklace, I wore my dress, I took a date, that I wanted to kill! By about a third of the way through I was saying to myself "I could have my pick out of three people, and I chose this guybecause he asked first! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"...O should have taken Bryan. I think he would have gotten along with everyone...but it was a little risky, and heck, after hardly a month now I barely talk to him...ah well...it didn't work out, his name isn't Jack! lol! Nah I probrobly should have taken Chad, because I know that, even though he most likely wouldn't mesh with everyone I was going with, he would TRY really hard to get along with them so that he wouldn't embarass me...just cuz he loves me oh so much! hehe...but no....I had to take self-involved, rude, idiotic, crude, pot-head/alcoholic Shal...believing him when he said he'd behave! Stupid ME!!!!!!!
Ah well, I got my prom picture, and i wasn't alone in it, so whatever. I got to dance with everyone I wanted to at prom, except two, and that's because one was leaving as I came, and one didn't come at all. Ah well, I danced with Shane on monday to a song that I sang in the hallway, so it's all good!
I had a very conversation with Jennifer tonight...veeeery interesting...at first there were parts that made me very happy....then more parts were added that confused me, then more...and the puzzle that was in my mind was solved and the resolution REALLY ticked me off...but oddly enough, being ticked off is a good thing! I can not explain why, but it is quite liberating and it is great. It makes me quite happy! Huzzah!
Today is tuesday, so it is in fact Brian-letter Day, so I must go now, I have lots to write about to dear Brian, and I want to have time to watch a movie B4 I go to bed...much love to all!
Beaucoup D'Amour,
DeAnna
"People once believed, that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens, that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can't rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes the crow could bring that soul back to put the wrong things right."
Music of the Moment: varies between Dave Matthews Band and Crystal Method...
So yea, I have just completed the process of reserving my, mr. sibaja's, and mr. isreal's STAR WARS EPISODE III:REVENGE OF THE SITH 12:01 SHOWING TICKETS!!! Woot! Mr. Sibaja and myself tried to get Mrs. Sibaja to go....but that worked out not so well...grr...Ah well...yea...thinking of mr sibaja, I dont think I would be able to marry a man with such a first name...I mean, I'd have to atleast come up with some nickname that was not so vowelish... 'cause I'm clumsy and I just don't think I could get it out all of the time, you know? Nah...I decided the perfect husband name a long time ago...Jack. No, It didn't come from Jack Sparrow, though that strongly re-enforced it, instead I got it when I was a child and I adored *hesitates...* Jack Skellington....(Yes people, I have adored Tim Burton films all of my life...right now I don't know which one I look forward to more: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or the Corpse Bride...hehe....)But seriously, jack is the name...Not John, not david, not luke, not jeff, not jake, not scott, not brian, not dave, not jim, or james, not tim, not nick, and Lord knows not Kenneth...I dont know....If I ever met someone named Anakin, I'd have to think about it....lol!....Ah yes, and my husband must be emotionally stable, love God, me, children, animals, and unique names....yea....I'm never gonna get married.....'tis ok! Convent here I come!( just gotta find a way around that darn catholic thing!)
Ohhhhh, speaking of names I like, I just found out that Mrs. Loves name is Gabriel...grr, we already dont get along and then she goes and steals that perfectly good name! Then on top of that she desecrates it by making the poor child's middle name eugene! Ok, I'm sorry, but all I can think of when I hear that is that one part in grease when they say that all couples must be male/female at the dance-off, and poor little eugene is disqualified.....That poor kid is never going to tell his middle name, and when it gets out, he'll never live it down...
So I went to prom...I wore my necklace, I wore my dress, I took a date, that I wanted to kill! By about a third of the way through I was saying to myself "I could have my pick out of three people, and I chose this guybecause he asked first! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"...O should have taken Bryan. I think he would have gotten along with everyone...but it was a little risky, and heck, after hardly a month now I barely talk to him...ah well...it didn't work out, his name isn't Jack! lol! Nah I probrobly should have taken Chad, because I know that, even though he most likely wouldn't mesh with everyone I was going with, he would TRY really hard to get along with them so that he wouldn't embarass me...just cuz he loves me oh so much! hehe...but no....I had to take self-involved, rude, idiotic, crude, pot-head/alcoholic Shal...believing him when he said he'd behave! Stupid ME!!!!!!!
Ah well, I got my prom picture, and i wasn't alone in it, so whatever. I got to dance with everyone I wanted to at prom, except two, and that's because one was leaving as I came, and one didn't come at all. Ah well, I danced with Shane on monday to a song that I sang in the hallway, so it's all good!
I had a very conversation with Jennifer tonight...veeeery interesting...at first there were parts that made me very happy....then more parts were added that confused me, then more...and the puzzle that was in my mind was solved and the resolution REALLY ticked me off...but oddly enough, being ticked off is a good thing! I can not explain why, but it is quite liberating and it is great. It makes me quite happy! Huzzah!
Today is tuesday, so it is in fact Brian-letter Day, so I must go now, I have lots to write about to dear Brian, and I want to have time to watch a movie B4 I go to bed...much love to all!
Beaucoup D'Amour,
DeAnna
"People once believed, that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens, that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can't rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes the crow could bring that soul back to put the wrong things right."
4.17.2005
Mood of the Moment: Tired but slightly happy...
Music of the Moment: When All is Said and Done_ Trapt (thanks to Jennifer's away message)
So yea, I was quite elated when I finally finished with the portion of my Sr. Project on which I was currently working. Yes, it is due tomorrow....yes, I did just finish it at 7:59...hehe. I'm a slacker.
Other than that, there really is nothing to report....I looked at Jeff's prom pics.....talked to Shal about ours....ohhh, and if a guy could answer this for me it would be greatly appreciated(you can be anonymous): Jamie told me a story a long time ago about something that happened a REALLY long time ago involving guys peeing in the snow. I was reminded of this story today for some odd reason and it made me wonder....would it be easier to do that in cursive, or just a sort of connected-print? Or is it possible to seperate the letters completely??? Those are my wierd questions that are on my mind today...lol.
Ok, it is obvious that too much thought has fried my wee little brain...I must go now.....besides, crackers and cheese call my name!
"Get crazy with the cheez-whiz!"
Much love,
DeAnna
they say if you love someone,
let them go.
if they come back,
they are yours forever.
if they don't,
then they never were
Music of the Moment: When All is Said and Done_ Trapt (thanks to Jennifer's away message)
So yea, I was quite elated when I finally finished with the portion of my Sr. Project on which I was currently working. Yes, it is due tomorrow....yes, I did just finish it at 7:59...hehe. I'm a slacker.
Other than that, there really is nothing to report....I looked at Jeff's prom pics.....talked to Shal about ours....ohhh, and if a guy could answer this for me it would be greatly appreciated(you can be anonymous): Jamie told me a story a long time ago about something that happened a REALLY long time ago involving guys peeing in the snow. I was reminded of this story today for some odd reason and it made me wonder....would it be easier to do that in cursive, or just a sort of connected-print? Or is it possible to seperate the letters completely??? Those are my wierd questions that are on my mind today...lol.
Ok, it is obvious that too much thought has fried my wee little brain...I must go now.....besides, crackers and cheese call my name!
"Get crazy with the cheez-whiz!"
Much love,
DeAnna
they say if you love someone,
let them go.
if they come back,
they are yours forever.
if they don't,
then they never were
4.16.2005
mood of the moment: tired, frustrated, sad
music of the moment: "Can't take my eyes off of you"_Muse
Hello lovelies, a suggestion to you: If you have surgery on your shoulder, wait longer than a week and a half to go bowling.....even if you use the other arm....it hurts like CRAP!
I worked on my Sr. Project today....bluck! One handed typing is not fun at all. Ah well.
Tuesday I spent a Crap-load of time writing a letter to Brian. Jamie said she would give it to him, but I had to get it to her before school let out, and I didn't. So now I have this perfectly good letter and I am going to have to get an address and mail it to him, and it shall take forever. GRR! ARRG! *sigh* Miss Brian I do...
Last Sunday was probrobly one of the most fun outings I've ever been on! Hmm, maybe I should pay Nick back for me meal, and me milkshake....hehe, I will on monday. I wish I could have said more to Brian in the way of goodbye...but I was in a lot of pain at the time. Ah well....mail him I will!
So I found out that I'm gonna be in a sling for 6 weeks in stead of 4 because they ended up doing so much more to my shoulder than they originally thought, so I have to tell mark that the whole guitar thing is gonna have to be postponed a little more, I cant play at all in a sling, le sigh, and he is so cute too ;)...
So right now I'm talking to Nadz for the first time in forever. It makes me very happy. I thought for a while she had forgotten who I was. But she remembers me...hehe....I happy.
Prom is in one week,and i believe that Shal and I are both being just as slack about preparing....it's possible that he will show up w/out a jacket, and me without shoes! lol! It shall be fun though!
You want to know something bad about being stoned, it makes you think about life and the things that it encompasses more. For example, the first day out of surgery I was all sad because I was feeling down and thinking nobody missed me and nobody was gonna call. but it was cool, because a lot of people called and four people visited! I got 2 things of flowers, a teddy bear with a candy-filled heart, a handmade card with a bunch of signatures, and several other things!!!!
Ok, I am very tired of typing one handed....tiring it is...all my love and prayer to you, whoever you may be.....and good night...
Beaucoup D'Amour,
DeAnna
What do you do
when everytime you look in the mirror
the only thing you can see
staring back at you
is the reason
he's not here...
music of the moment: "Can't take my eyes off of you"_Muse
Hello lovelies, a suggestion to you: If you have surgery on your shoulder, wait longer than a week and a half to go bowling.....even if you use the other arm....it hurts like CRAP!
I worked on my Sr. Project today....bluck! One handed typing is not fun at all. Ah well.
Tuesday I spent a Crap-load of time writing a letter to Brian. Jamie said she would give it to him, but I had to get it to her before school let out, and I didn't. So now I have this perfectly good letter and I am going to have to get an address and mail it to him, and it shall take forever. GRR! ARRG! *sigh* Miss Brian I do...
Last Sunday was probrobly one of the most fun outings I've ever been on! Hmm, maybe I should pay Nick back for me meal, and me milkshake....hehe, I will on monday. I wish I could have said more to Brian in the way of goodbye...but I was in a lot of pain at the time. Ah well....mail him I will!
So I found out that I'm gonna be in a sling for 6 weeks in stead of 4 because they ended up doing so much more to my shoulder than they originally thought, so I have to tell mark that the whole guitar thing is gonna have to be postponed a little more, I cant play at all in a sling, le sigh, and he is so cute too ;)...
So right now I'm talking to Nadz for the first time in forever. It makes me very happy. I thought for a while she had forgotten who I was. But she remembers me...hehe....I happy.
Prom is in one week,and i believe that Shal and I are both being just as slack about preparing....it's possible that he will show up w/out a jacket, and me without shoes! lol! It shall be fun though!
You want to know something bad about being stoned, it makes you think about life and the things that it encompasses more. For example, the first day out of surgery I was all sad because I was feeling down and thinking nobody missed me and nobody was gonna call. but it was cool, because a lot of people called and four people visited! I got 2 things of flowers, a teddy bear with a candy-filled heart, a handmade card with a bunch of signatures, and several other things!!!!
Ok, I am very tired of typing one handed....tiring it is...all my love and prayer to you, whoever you may be.....and good night...
Beaucoup D'Amour,
DeAnna
What do you do
when everytime you look in the mirror
the only thing you can see
staring back at you
is the reason
he's not here...
4.07.2005
Deanna's Surgery
Hi, I'm Deanna's Dad (IM Deannasdad38) I coerced her into letting me put an entry into her blog because her typing skills are crappy right now.(she says she's changing her password later) Anyone out there that knows her knows the story of her shoulder being messed up in a car accident many months ago and you know she's had trouble with it ever since. Yesterday she underwent extensive arthroscopic surgery to repair the damage. We were originally told that it would be a 45min to an hour long procedure to tighten the tendons holding the shoulder in place...but it turned into over a two and a half hour procedure where the surgeon tightened the tendons in the front and back sides of the shoulder and did a major rebuild and smoothing job on the rotator cuff of the shoulder(thats been condensed from the medical lingo the surgeon used). We went in at 11am and finally left around 5pm. She looked funny lying in the Bearpaws gown with her eyes spinning before the procedure commenced,not able to move her right arm because they killed it from her neck down with a nerve block procedure. We finally saw her almost 3 hours later in recovery still groggy from the morphine and other pain killers(the only person that told us this would be a really painful procedure was a PA just before she went in) with a huge bandage on her shoulder and that iodine stuff smeared all around the area. Although she had not eaten since midnight the night before she wasn't hungry so we took her straight home after a stop at the Pharmacy to pick up a bottle of Tylox(the good addictive stuff). Over the course of the evening she split her time between trying to find a comfortable position,changing the ice packs on her shoulder, nibbling at various foods, popping Tylox...and puking her guts out because(we think) of the stuff used to knock her out during the surgery. Today she's doing a little bit better, she's actually managed to hold down some saltines and a salad with bacon bits and emeril's dressing(keep fingers crossed) and hopes to return to school soon although it may not be Friday as expected. I would like to express my thanks to all of her friends that have wished her well and kept her in their prayers through all of this. She's special to all of us and I'm sure she'll be at her IM tapping out messages as soon as she's able. Thanks.JK. P.S. She's very bored,and says that if you would like to call or stop by you could be bored together!!!!!LOL!
4.06.2005
Mood of the Moment: thoughtful
Music of the Moment: Jeff's "zelda" song
Yea, so, today I have my surgery, this morning I went to the school for a bit to take care of some stuff...I used my evasive action skills successfully. I got about 42 hugs, and promises of phone calls. I simply hope that I am cognant enough to speak to these people (provided they call, and I understand if they don't). I am not scared of the surgery, just the time after. oh well, I leave you with a song stuck in my head:
"I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn’t cut it
Almost had you
And I didn’t even know it
You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
I almost wish you would’ve loved me too
Here I go thinking about all the things I could’ve done
I’m gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we’ve had our problems I can’t remember one
I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in I’ll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all open and I threw it away
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn’t cut it
Almost had you
And I didn’t even know it
You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
And I almost had you
I almost wish you would’ve loved me too"
Music of the Moment: Jeff's "zelda" song
Yea, so, today I have my surgery, this morning I went to the school for a bit to take care of some stuff...I used my evasive action skills successfully. I got about 42 hugs, and promises of phone calls. I simply hope that I am cognant enough to speak to these people (provided they call, and I understand if they don't). I am not scared of the surgery, just the time after. oh well, I leave you with a song stuck in my head:
"I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn’t cut it
Almost had you
And I didn’t even know it
You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
I almost wish you would’ve loved me too
Here I go thinking about all the things I could’ve done
I’m gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we’ve had our problems I can’t remember one
I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in I’ll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all open and I threw it away
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn’t cut it
Almost had you
And I didn’t even know it
You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
And I almost had you
I almost wish you would’ve loved me too"
4.02.2005
Yes, I know that nearly all of the html screwed up in my last post, but that is ok....ah well, I may post more later tonight, but for now I shall simply say that I'm officially off of the scheduele at the theatre, but my last shift (aka:today) was quite hectic....."ah well, such is the Bread, of an everyday life" (every single time I say, or think, or type "ah well", that line runs through my head.....wacky-loo...)but yea, I have to go take care of paw-paw now......later
DeAnna
DeAnna
