4.27.2005
Mood of the Moment: sad, upset, confused, refreshingly ticked...the works...
Music of the Moment: Perfect, Simple Plan
I got off of the pc last night, but I didn't write Brian's letter, because I ended up having a lot of stuff to do, but it is ok, because I did it today during la escuela. Now all I need to do is envelope it, address it, stamp it, and mail it. That is the part that takes the longest for me, actually. I always end up throwing an extra little apology in there saying I'm sorry it took me so long to send it, hehe. I do wish that he could just read my blog, or I could send an email or something, that would be much easier, but oh well, 'tis not possible...*sigh*...
Ok, so, for those of you that know me, you know that it is terribly hard to actually tick me off...I mean, I literally can't tell you the last time I was truly mad at someone, until now. Last night I mentioned a conversation with jennifer that made me a little mad, and then this morning there was more stuff that made me actually truly mad....and you know what.....it is very....liberating. Most people wouldn't understand....I spent a while trying to explain it to eric and the poor kid just couldn't understand why I was happy to be mad....At one point in time today I sort of spilled on Shelly, and she got this "whoa" expression on her face and said "wow, that was really mean, for you..." and I was like "yea, haha, it was!"
I told Noelle today that she can be sure that just when things get simple, something is thrown in the mix to complicate them...'tis truth, so I decided to pass it on.
ok, so I cannot explain thoroughly why I am so upset, but I can give you some general principles: I am a person. I am not placed here for the entertainment of anyone but God and myself. I am not a toy. oh, yea, and I am not a liar. I am human, and I can be hurt. I can deal with it when people hurt me, I'm used to it, for they are human too. But when someone chooses not only to hurt me, but to revel with glee in my pain(whether they caused it or not)....that is when I get mad. Oh, yea, and for some people, there are no such things as plans...only schemes...
Ok, after that, here is the flaw with my bittersweet feelings....I cannot allow my anger to grow too much, or last too long, simply because it is based sheerly on what I have been told. Therefore it could all be a big mistake and in a way I would like it to be, but right now I shall enjoy my anger....because it is better than sadness...
I appologize, this will only make sense to two people, maybe 3 depending on whether or not they read it, but it was banging around in my head and I feel better now...
Much Love,
DeAnna
"If I listened long enough to you,
I'd find a way to believe that it's all true.
Knowing that you lied,
straight-faced,
while I cried,
Still I'd look to find a reason to believe.
Someone like you makes it hard to live without somebody else.
Someone like you makes it easy to give, never think of myself."
Music of the Moment: Perfect, Simple Plan
I got off of the pc last night, but I didn't write Brian's letter, because I ended up having a lot of stuff to do, but it is ok, because I did it today during la escuela. Now all I need to do is envelope it, address it, stamp it, and mail it. That is the part that takes the longest for me, actually. I always end up throwing an extra little apology in there saying I'm sorry it took me so long to send it, hehe. I do wish that he could just read my blog, or I could send an email or something, that would be much easier, but oh well, 'tis not possible...*sigh*...
Ok, so, for those of you that know me, you know that it is terribly hard to actually tick me off...I mean, I literally can't tell you the last time I was truly mad at someone, until now. Last night I mentioned a conversation with jennifer that made me a little mad, and then this morning there was more stuff that made me actually truly mad....and you know what.....it is very....liberating. Most people wouldn't understand....I spent a while trying to explain it to eric and the poor kid just couldn't understand why I was happy to be mad....At one point in time today I sort of spilled on Shelly, and she got this "whoa" expression on her face and said "wow, that was really mean, for you..." and I was like "yea, haha, it was!"
I told Noelle today that she can be sure that just when things get simple, something is thrown in the mix to complicate them...'tis truth, so I decided to pass it on.
ok, so I cannot explain thoroughly why I am so upset, but I can give you some general principles: I am a person. I am not placed here for the entertainment of anyone but God and myself. I am not a toy. oh, yea, and I am not a liar. I am human, and I can be hurt. I can deal with it when people hurt me, I'm used to it, for they are human too. But when someone chooses not only to hurt me, but to revel with glee in my pain(whether they caused it or not)....that is when I get mad. Oh, yea, and for some people, there are no such things as plans...only schemes...
Ok, after that, here is the flaw with my bittersweet feelings....I cannot allow my anger to grow too much, or last too long, simply because it is based sheerly on what I have been told. Therefore it could all be a big mistake and in a way I would like it to be, but right now I shall enjoy my anger....because it is better than sadness...
I appologize, this will only make sense to two people, maybe 3 depending on whether or not they read it, but it was banging around in my head and I feel better now...
Much Love,
DeAnna
"If I listened long enough to you,
I'd find a way to believe that it's all true.
Knowing that you lied,
straight-faced,
while I cried,
Still I'd look to find a reason to believe.
Someone like you makes it hard to live without somebody else.
Someone like you makes it easy to give, never think of myself."
# posted by DeAnna : 7:47 PM
