9.05.2006
Mood of the Moment: Thoughtfully placid...
Music of the Moment: Walk to Remember Soundtrack
The winter here's cold, and bitter
it's chilled us to the bone
we haven't seen the sun for weeks
to long too far from home
I feel just like I'm sinking
and I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love
So it's better this way, I said
having seen this place before
where everything we say and do
hurts us all the more
its just that we stayed, too long
in the same old sickly skin
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength
and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love
That is a beautiful song...I heart it...
Anyway...
So at this moment I am in a lovely predicament. I have betrayed someone. With every bit of me I have tried not to. I fought the decision with all of my might...an effort in futility. Someone I would die for was betrayed. I can think of no way to make it up to them....and yet...for what? What came from it? Nothing. I am an asshole...for nothing. This is what leads me to my next quandry; my next step in the unsteady path that I never should have turned down, but I'm past the point of return. I have two choices as I see it. Both are a betrayal of sorts of two more people that I care for greatly, but one is a betrayal of myself more than it is for them. Shall I put forth a display of chutspah, completely against my character? or should I stop at only causing chaos in one of my relationships...keeping the trouble contained within myself and one other...one other who doesn't deserve it? The first would bring peace of mind to the one whom I have already betrayed...but it could ruin so many other things. The second option is my usual...but I've sort of screwed it up already...and it is still in a way a betrayal if for no other reason that the falseness of my contentment....
God why am I letting this bother me so badly...
I have to kill it...
but it's too late...
I should have already killed it...
I tried to...
I thought it was dead...
But it wasn't....it wouldn't die...
Why does it matter so damn much?
I'll fix it...somehow.......*sigh*.....
Damn this is gonna suck
Much Love,
~D~
"Just to see you smile,
I'd do anything
that you wanted me to.
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost.
It's worth all that's lost.
Just to see you smile."
Music of the Moment: Walk to Remember Soundtrack
The winter here's cold, and bitter
it's chilled us to the bone
we haven't seen the sun for weeks
to long too far from home
I feel just like I'm sinking
and I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love
So it's better this way, I said
having seen this place before
where everything we say and do
hurts us all the more
its just that we stayed, too long
in the same old sickly skin
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength
and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love
That is a beautiful song...I heart it...
Anyway...
So at this moment I am in a lovely predicament. I have betrayed someone. With every bit of me I have tried not to. I fought the decision with all of my might...an effort in futility. Someone I would die for was betrayed. I can think of no way to make it up to them....and yet...for what? What came from it? Nothing. I am an asshole...for nothing. This is what leads me to my next quandry; my next step in the unsteady path that I never should have turned down, but I'm past the point of return. I have two choices as I see it. Both are a betrayal of sorts of two more people that I care for greatly, but one is a betrayal of myself more than it is for them. Shall I put forth a display of chutspah, completely against my character? or should I stop at only causing chaos in one of my relationships...keeping the trouble contained within myself and one other...one other who doesn't deserve it? The first would bring peace of mind to the one whom I have already betrayed...but it could ruin so many other things. The second option is my usual...but I've sort of screwed it up already...and it is still in a way a betrayal if for no other reason that the falseness of my contentment....
God why am I letting this bother me so badly...
I have to kill it...
but it's too late...
I should have already killed it...
I tried to...
I thought it was dead...
But it wasn't....it wouldn't die...
Why does it matter so damn much?
I'll fix it...somehow.......*sigh*.....
Damn this is gonna suck
Much Love,
~D~
"Just to see you smile,
I'd do anything
that you wanted me to.
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost.
It's worth all that's lost.
Just to see you smile."
# posted by DeAnna : 9:06 PM
