8.25.2006
Mood of the Moment: I have no freakin' Idea
Music of the Moment: prayer of St. Francis of Assisi as sung by Sarah Mclachlan
People irritate me...
Like, specific ones, and sometimes I don't even know why...just, their presence...it's like nails down a chalkboard, even though I do my best to not think that way.
but that is just a side note to what is on my mind...
He said some things tonight that I denied with every fiber in my body...
But...
They struck a nerve.
Of all the people to seem to make sense...why was it him? The one person that I care for greatly, though I generally want to hate him. The person that I am not in love with...but thought I was.
Why did he have to throw a doubt in my mind? A doubt about a certainty that he himself originally made me believe...
Hmm...this has nothing to do with he and I, funny enough...I think in a way both of us were over each other long before we ever broke up...
No...this conversation really had nothing to do with him, that's another crazy part...and later some of the things that Jared said validated the thought even further...
Something that had not even crossed my mind before...the idea of fighting for something I want, not for something that would make others happy, not for something that I believe to be an inalienable right of some sort...just something I really want...something to make ME happy...even if I know that it could hurt others...others that I would do anything to see them NOT hurt....and to what point and purpose? I mean, why fight for something just to have the thought shot down because you find can never have it? or why fight to achieve something and have it for a while just to find out later that it was all fake and you never really had what you wanted at all? or why fight to get something you want just to get it, completely and fully, to be so blissfully happy that you have gotten the one thing you want most.....just to lose it later? What is the point. Why cause ripples just to regret it later?
There is no good answer to those questions, and thus my decision is made...
no ripples...
no problems...
that's that...
God, I know that the only people who might possibly ask me to explain what this is about are the only people that I can't explain this to...
*sigh*
Funny old world, isn't it...
Much Love,
Going to bed,
~D~
Music of the Moment: prayer of St. Francis of Assisi as sung by Sarah Mclachlan
People irritate me...
Like, specific ones, and sometimes I don't even know why...just, their presence...it's like nails down a chalkboard, even though I do my best to not think that way.
but that is just a side note to what is on my mind...
He said some things tonight that I denied with every fiber in my body...
But...
They struck a nerve.
Of all the people to seem to make sense...why was it him? The one person that I care for greatly, though I generally want to hate him. The person that I am not in love with...but thought I was.
Why did he have to throw a doubt in my mind? A doubt about a certainty that he himself originally made me believe...
Hmm...this has nothing to do with he and I, funny enough...I think in a way both of us were over each other long before we ever broke up...
No...this conversation really had nothing to do with him, that's another crazy part...and later some of the things that Jared said validated the thought even further...
Something that had not even crossed my mind before...the idea of fighting for something I want, not for something that would make others happy, not for something that I believe to be an inalienable right of some sort...just something I really want...something to make ME happy...even if I know that it could hurt others...others that I would do anything to see them NOT hurt....and to what point and purpose? I mean, why fight for something just to have the thought shot down because you find can never have it? or why fight to achieve something and have it for a while just to find out later that it was all fake and you never really had what you wanted at all? or why fight to get something you want just to get it, completely and fully, to be so blissfully happy that you have gotten the one thing you want most.....just to lose it later? What is the point. Why cause ripples just to regret it later?
There is no good answer to those questions, and thus my decision is made...
no ripples...
no problems...
that's that...
God, I know that the only people who might possibly ask me to explain what this is about are the only people that I can't explain this to...
*sigh*
Funny old world, isn't it...
Much Love,
Going to bed,
~D~
# posted by DeAnna : 2:26 AM
