4.21.2006
Mood of the Moment: Slightly stressed
Music of the Moment: Blue October - Hate Me
Ah, where to begin? I don't even remember when the last time I posted was, except for the other day...my little rant...hehe...but yea...About my life to date:
I work all the time, either at that blasted entertainment facility or at school. This has not changed, only it has gotten more annoying. I work with two pot-heads that might be good workers if they had just a couple more brain cells(the common sense ones) and with one non-pot-head that is extremely intelligent and can do/fix/make anything he wants and could be a projection mastermind...if he would just not play that damned video game for his entire shift...yes, these are the people that I am working with, but I am the one that always gets in trouble...bleh...I have a feeling that I am like 30 seconds from being put back downstairs...and the day they do that(as much as I'd hate to do it) is the day I'd turn in my 2 weeks notice.
Stephen and I have been officially back together for a wee over 2 months now...it was a very rocky re-beginning...many mistakes were made, all forgiven, and most forgotten...and for his sake I shall go no further into detail...but that is behind us now ...and after it all I still love him to an undescribable degree...though he seems not to believe me. He has right to I guess...there have been people in his past who have done things to make him believe that he does not deserve to be loved...I wish I could go back and smack every one of them. If I could I'd go back and fix everything that went wrong in his life, then maybe he'd smile more, perhaps then he'd feel safe when he lays down at night, and dream of a joyful future instead of being plagued by nightmares...perhaps then he would know that he deserves to be loved...of course, this would probrobly mean that he wouldn't be with me...but that really isn't the important thing...I mean, I know that had it not been for the people that hurt him in the past then he would not have taken a second glance a me, and in a way I'm cool with this, if it means that he would be happy to be on this rock, it'd be worth it...but for some strange reason he has found some sort of appeal in me...which amazes and thrills me at the same time...but yea, I'm rambling again...(sorry Jennifer...)
So yea...School sux...and I seem to have picked up a new part-time resident at my house, which I'm perfectly ok with...'tis Steve...imagine that. hehe, he's adorable...
I guess for the most part you could say I'm doing good, my car is still running, and I can still afford food and such...my health hasn't been that great of late...I think it is b/c of a combination of stress and lack of sleep...as you probrobly already know I have always had a little flutter thing in my heart, and I still do...but lately for some reason it has happened more often, which didn't bother me until it started being accompanied with a little bit of pain....and recently it has gotten to the point that it'll just start hurting and not stop for a few minutes...it is kinda beginning to freak me out...Steve noticed the other day, too...so now he is freaked out...but how would you feel about going to the doctor for chest pain if you had a Grandmother that had a hole in her heart(hereditary), an uncle with leaky valves in his heart(sometimes hereditary), and a mother with a heart murmer(not dangerous, but hereditary as well)? Bleh...I don't wanna know...but yea...
Ok, I'm gonna go get dressed for work now, where better to spend a friday night than in the loving arms of the Wynnsong...bleh...
Much Love,
~D~
Music of the Moment: Blue October - Hate Me
Ah, where to begin? I don't even remember when the last time I posted was, except for the other day...my little rant...hehe...but yea...About my life to date:
I work all the time, either at that blasted entertainment facility or at school. This has not changed, only it has gotten more annoying. I work with two pot-heads that might be good workers if they had just a couple more brain cells(the common sense ones) and with one non-pot-head that is extremely intelligent and can do/fix/make anything he wants and could be a projection mastermind...if he would just not play that damned video game for his entire shift...yes, these are the people that I am working with, but I am the one that always gets in trouble...bleh...I have a feeling that I am like 30 seconds from being put back downstairs...and the day they do that(as much as I'd hate to do it) is the day I'd turn in my 2 weeks notice.
Stephen and I have been officially back together for a wee over 2 months now...it was a very rocky re-beginning...many mistakes were made, all forgiven, and most forgotten...and for his sake I shall go no further into detail...but that is behind us now ...and after it all I still love him to an undescribable degree...though he seems not to believe me. He has right to I guess...there have been people in his past who have done things to make him believe that he does not deserve to be loved...I wish I could go back and smack every one of them. If I could I'd go back and fix everything that went wrong in his life, then maybe he'd smile more, perhaps then he'd feel safe when he lays down at night, and dream of a joyful future instead of being plagued by nightmares...perhaps then he would know that he deserves to be loved...of course, this would probrobly mean that he wouldn't be with me...but that really isn't the important thing...I mean, I know that had it not been for the people that hurt him in the past then he would not have taken a second glance a me, and in a way I'm cool with this, if it means that he would be happy to be on this rock, it'd be worth it...but for some strange reason he has found some sort of appeal in me...which amazes and thrills me at the same time...but yea, I'm rambling again...(sorry Jennifer...)
So yea...School sux...and I seem to have picked up a new part-time resident at my house, which I'm perfectly ok with...'tis Steve...imagine that. hehe, he's adorable...
I guess for the most part you could say I'm doing good, my car is still running, and I can still afford food and such...my health hasn't been that great of late...I think it is b/c of a combination of stress and lack of sleep...as you probrobly already know I have always had a little flutter thing in my heart, and I still do...but lately for some reason it has happened more often, which didn't bother me until it started being accompanied with a little bit of pain....and recently it has gotten to the point that it'll just start hurting and not stop for a few minutes...it is kinda beginning to freak me out...Steve noticed the other day, too...so now he is freaked out...but how would you feel about going to the doctor for chest pain if you had a Grandmother that had a hole in her heart(hereditary), an uncle with leaky valves in his heart(sometimes hereditary), and a mother with a heart murmer(not dangerous, but hereditary as well)? Bleh...I don't wanna know...but yea...
Ok, I'm gonna go get dressed for work now, where better to spend a friday night than in the loving arms of the Wynnsong...bleh...
Much Love,
~D~
# posted by DeAnna : 1:44 PM
