11.17.2004
I understand that it has once again been a long time, but the two times I've tried to get on, my pc has screwed up. Hopefully now it is ok. Plus I cant go in the living room right now because the show my mom is watching has a ventriloquist dummy on it. So, I , being a Automatonophobic will not join in her viewing pleasures. I'd like to sleep peacefully tonight. Nightmares are bad. OH YEA, speaking of which, I went to this site that was supposedly giving helpful information about automatonophobia to people with it or people who know them, and guess what it had when I scrolled down.....A HUGE PICTURE OF A DUMMY!!!!!!!!I FLIPPED!!!!!ohhhhhh, the memory of it gives me the heeby jeebies....turns out it was this big joke, those jerks! GRR!! But anyway, I'm trapped here in this 3x3 foot area, hiding from the tv, here at y computer, I cant get to my room b/c I have to pass by the tv, and I am not taking the chance of seeing the dummy, no, that'd be bad! So now I blog.....
I stayed out of school today. I felt like crap. But I am feeling much better now. I made brownies. I want to take horseback riding lessons, and my cousin owns horses, and keeps them at this stable where they give lessons, so it shouldn't be too hard to get in with them, that's cool.....you know... the thing that has been running through my head all day is "does anyone miss me right now, is anyone wondering where I'm at???" Sydney probrobly is, but she is probrobly also mad at me, leena may be curious, but she has the library dude to keep her company. Stacy is probrobly curious, momentarily, then goes over and chills with Brian, whom she likes better than me anyway. Emily probrobly misses mecuz she is all alone at that table in 2nd, without someone to talk to, and the girl must talk, the gossip queen....love you e$! Does jennifer wish I was there so that I'd be there, or does she simply wish I was there so she didn't have to ride the bus. Does Shelly even notice I'm gone? If she does, does she care? Jamie, nick, noelle, jason, and all my other friends probrobly don't even notice I'm gone. I wander if there is some guy at school that I don't know about that is sitting in class wondering where I am at like I have done for so many others before. and that leads me to the question that popped into my head the most...did he even notice I was gone, you know who I'm talking about, did he even care that I wasn't in school, was he concerned, or was he happy that he didn't have to see me? I miss him, a lot. I wish things were the way they used to be, but at the same time I don't like the idea of living in this big huge lie. I actually believed it this time. I believed that someone actually cared whether or not I was there, that someone called ME when they got bored, that my presence made someone else happy, instead of simply indifference to my being there at all. But in truth this person didn't like me anymore than anyone else. In fact, they liked me less than nearly anyone, he hated me, but he lead me to believe that he didn't. I miss the lie, I really do, cuz the truth hurts like ----. oh well, as a country song once said, tomorrow's another day, and I'm thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain....
For the most part, I've been very happy today, don't get me wrong with my little blurb earlier. It concerned me earlier when I visited Jennifer's Webpage and she said her life was falling apart. (I adore jennifer, and I know she reads this, so jennifer, I mean nothing bad by this I promise, just something that you said and it made me think about it...) You know, sometime in your teenage years, maybe earlier or later, your world will "fall apart". When it does, it is hard for you to see anything past the dilemmas you currently have, and you realize that your world will never be the same. You know what....you are right. Your world will never be the same, because after the first time that your reality as you know it comes to an end and a new, possibly very similar, possibly completely different one takes over, you are at least one step closer to being , for lack of a better term, grown up. I believe that you are never fully done growing up, done learning, experiencing new things, and changing. In my point of view, you are never "Grown-up," but you do eventually become prepared for the so called real world. I think that you reach that point very close to (if not the same) time that you realize that there will always be times when your world falls apart. The big changes in life are going to come, you can't stop that, What matters is not what happens, it's what you do afterwards, whether you decide to pick up the pieces and rebuild, or just remain a shattered person. Whether you get up and walk it off, or forfeit the game before half time gets here. That's what makes you, that's what decides who you are. If you ask a lot of people about times of struggle in their life, times when their world fell apart, they will tell you that, later down the road, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, and they are actually glad that it happened because of the lesson it taught them. So, Yea, if you are in a place, and you think that your world is falling apart, just remember that, even though it is hard to imagine, it will end, and it will get better, and when it does, it will be even better than it was before. Just remember that it is just a cloudy day, and tomorrow will eventually come, and when it does, the sun will shine brighter than ever before! Back to that song:
Tomorrow's another day,
and I'm thirsty anyway,
so bring on the rain!
I stayed out of school today. I felt like crap. But I am feeling much better now. I made brownies. I want to take horseback riding lessons, and my cousin owns horses, and keeps them at this stable where they give lessons, so it shouldn't be too hard to get in with them, that's cool.....you know... the thing that has been running through my head all day is "does anyone miss me right now, is anyone wondering where I'm at???" Sydney probrobly is, but she is probrobly also mad at me, leena may be curious, but she has the library dude to keep her company. Stacy is probrobly curious, momentarily, then goes over and chills with Brian, whom she likes better than me anyway. Emily probrobly misses mecuz she is all alone at that table in 2nd, without someone to talk to, and the girl must talk, the gossip queen....love you e$! Does jennifer wish I was there so that I'd be there, or does she simply wish I was there so she didn't have to ride the bus. Does Shelly even notice I'm gone? If she does, does she care? Jamie, nick, noelle, jason, and all my other friends probrobly don't even notice I'm gone. I wander if there is some guy at school that I don't know about that is sitting in class wondering where I am at like I have done for so many others before. and that leads me to the question that popped into my head the most...did he even notice I was gone, you know who I'm talking about, did he even care that I wasn't in school, was he concerned, or was he happy that he didn't have to see me? I miss him, a lot. I wish things were the way they used to be, but at the same time I don't like the idea of living in this big huge lie. I actually believed it this time. I believed that someone actually cared whether or not I was there, that someone called ME when they got bored, that my presence made someone else happy, instead of simply indifference to my being there at all. But in truth this person didn't like me anymore than anyone else. In fact, they liked me less than nearly anyone, he hated me, but he lead me to believe that he didn't. I miss the lie, I really do, cuz the truth hurts like ----. oh well, as a country song once said, tomorrow's another day, and I'm thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain....
For the most part, I've been very happy today, don't get me wrong with my little blurb earlier. It concerned me earlier when I visited Jennifer's Webpage and she said her life was falling apart. (I adore jennifer, and I know she reads this, so jennifer, I mean nothing bad by this I promise, just something that you said and it made me think about it...) You know, sometime in your teenage years, maybe earlier or later, your world will "fall apart". When it does, it is hard for you to see anything past the dilemmas you currently have, and you realize that your world will never be the same. You know what....you are right. Your world will never be the same, because after the first time that your reality as you know it comes to an end and a new, possibly very similar, possibly completely different one takes over, you are at least one step closer to being , for lack of a better term, grown up. I believe that you are never fully done growing up, done learning, experiencing new things, and changing. In my point of view, you are never "Grown-up," but you do eventually become prepared for the so called real world. I think that you reach that point very close to (if not the same) time that you realize that there will always be times when your world falls apart. The big changes in life are going to come, you can't stop that, What matters is not what happens, it's what you do afterwards, whether you decide to pick up the pieces and rebuild, or just remain a shattered person. Whether you get up and walk it off, or forfeit the game before half time gets here. That's what makes you, that's what decides who you are. If you ask a lot of people about times of struggle in their life, times when their world fell apart, they will tell you that, later down the road, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, and they are actually glad that it happened because of the lesson it taught them. So, Yea, if you are in a place, and you think that your world is falling apart, just remember that, even though it is hard to imagine, it will end, and it will get better, and when it does, it will be even better than it was before. Just remember that it is just a cloudy day, and tomorrow will eventually come, and when it does, the sun will shine brighter than ever before! Back to that song:
Tomorrow's another day,
and I'm thirsty anyway,
so bring on the rain!
# posted by DeAnna : 8:04 PM
