11.18.2004
Ahhh...nearly all of the sad things that I put in my blog over the last while are not to be worried about now. All things concerning a certain person, anyway. My happy world was turned upside-down a while back, because I found out that someone that I cared for greatly (and believed that they returned it) didn't care for me at all, and he wanted me to go away. He started flat-out ignoring me, and I was very upset. I was upset because I had allowed myself to believe that someone cared for me. I never hated him, I never disliked him, I missed him. I absolutely adore his company, because I didn't have to change me any for him to like me. I got to let down my deanna "happy" act for a while and actually BE happy. I missed that. I thought that the happiness that he had shown when I was around was all fake when he started ignoring me. that grieved me, a lot. He never looked at me, never spoke to me, never acknowledged I was there. He told a friend that he was acting wierd to get rid of his "following", and I thought he considered me a part of that, so I did as he wished, and went away.
Then.....last night happened....
I was online, and jennifer gets on, and Ims me, and she says he misses me. I think she is kidding,but she is like, "no, I'm on the phone with him, an he misses you, badly, and he is sorry..."etc. I almost cried. My heart was pounding, I felt like I was in an alternate reality......it hadn't been all a lie... It was real. All of my sadness was instantly replaced with pure, childlike giddiness. I found out that he wanted to talk to me, but had a reason why he couldn't, but it would all be over soon, and I had her tell him that when it was, I'd be here, and she told me that that made him happy, which is what I want. She told me today that he had brought me up...and that shows me that he was in fact thinking of me. I miss him, I thought he didn't miss me, but he does. He says there is a reason, I believe him, and I will be here when he decides that he can speak to me again. Until then, I shall be content to know simply that I am missed...
much love,
DeAnna
Then.....last night happened....
I was online, and jennifer gets on, and Ims me, and she says he misses me. I think she is kidding,but she is like, "no, I'm on the phone with him, an he misses you, badly, and he is sorry..."etc. I almost cried. My heart was pounding, I felt like I was in an alternate reality......it hadn't been all a lie... It was real. All of my sadness was instantly replaced with pure, childlike giddiness. I found out that he wanted to talk to me, but had a reason why he couldn't, but it would all be over soon, and I had her tell him that when it was, I'd be here, and she told me that that made him happy, which is what I want. She told me today that he had brought me up...and that shows me that he was in fact thinking of me. I miss him, I thought he didn't miss me, but he does. He says there is a reason, I believe him, and I will be here when he decides that he can speak to me again. Until then, I shall be content to know simply that I am missed...
much love,
DeAnna
# posted by DeAnna : 10:57 PM
